By demand

Due to requests for naked women from people who are too rude to leave me even a mobile number or email address (especially seeing as I am prone to losing/destroying/drowning items of a small electrical thingies)

Here's a (not quite) nekkid lady.



PS Gaz drop me a line hey!
lish@comcen.com.au 0417 863 443
PPS haven't been a queenslander in nearly four years!

Toot Toot Toot lookin out my back door

Sometimes ridiculous wind storms whip up enough stuff to make the view out the back door look like this...

Stuff & nonsense

Hi Kids,

Yes I'm dead. Blogging from deepspace hell....

Or alive just snowed under a shitload of never ending paperwork that frequently reaches towards the ceiling... either way.

Some stupid prick tried to kill me tonight and I didn't appreciate it. I had the green light. Not you coming at me from the left at about 60km an hour trying to tbone the crap out of me. I don't have time to not have a car here people.

Anyhoo, we've put the house plans in to the council and had approval to plonk our house on the block. Woohoo, now just to tackle the whole builders quote/finance, mortgage ourselves to within a squillimetre of poverty.

Here's what the view will be like (yes the neighbours have heard we might be moving in and have put their house on the market already, woohoo)

As for the eyeball, back to the neurologist in the next week for a review, have already spent quite some time back with the opthamologist and apparently I'm such a freak they want to write me up in the medical type journal thingys. And no, no reason for the eyeball freezing incident, I is just a weirdass.

Work work work. Work is work I'm afraid. I seem to be there a lot. We've had a few drama's and let's just say I is staying away from all things fire related. Between work, the neighbour's shed and leaving the cord of the straightener directly in front of the heater and melting the ass out of it's cord.... urgh. I almost deserve the 'drama queen' tiara comolete with pink sparkles.

That's all from me for now, back to work in the morning to get over 'that time of the month' (some call it end of month, I prefer to call it 'that time')

Ciao

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

Back at home (yippee).

Back at work (urmmm).

Opthamologist today (urgh).

Happy Joy.

(still retardeyed).

What to say... what to say... longest post in a long time

A lot has happened lately, some good, some bad, some horrible.

Those phone calls in the middle of the night never tend to be phone calls you want. Especially when the news is that one of the most beautiful kids from one of the most beautiful families I've ever known is no more. Truly a case of stupidity and indifference on the behalf of the woman who ended Nae's 15 year young life. Becka I still wanna be your lessie lover if I ever do turn. In the mean time my thoughts are with you and those gorgeous boys. We miss you all. P.S. I still have your sanity here in the box you left it in. I figure I'm best to hold on to it for a little longer. Sanity and now for you... it just won't work. If you need anything I'm here. Even if it's just to talk shit.

I got a promotion... still not sure that I wanted it but seeing as I'm not at work at the moment it's the least of my worries.

Speaking of not being at work.. had a fantastic couple of weekends with Smiley down from Brisbane. One truly drunken debaucherous night involving much Smirnoff/Stolichnaya/Chambord/Jansz sparkling.... think that's all but who would know... certainly not us. Also had a lovely day at the Taste of the Huon festival. Who wouldn't like a day sipping newly released boutique pink Sparkling wine and trying local gourmet delights sitting on the grass listening to (craptacular) live music.

Smiley headed back north on Monday and Skaed being the gourmand he is demanded a return to the Taste... who am I to refuse. Another day repeated per the previous but without the shithouse music.

Tuesday most things started to turn to shit. I got up, I couldn't see properly. Figured I was just still tired so sucked it up and went to work. And got dizzier and dizzier and dizzier and within an hour had been asked if I was drunk.... my only reply was 'I wish I was coz then I'd understand'. Skaed collected me and took me home around 10am.

By 1pm he said my left eye was closing... I said he was nuts.

3.30pm we headed for the doctors... I looked at my eyes in the mirror in the car and quietly swore that he was right.... again.

Doctor didn't like it either, made me an appointment at the opthamologist for Thursday.

Stayed home waiting for this next bloody appointment impatiently stumbling about with one eye closed. Opthamologist didn't like it either (you can imagine how unpopular I'm feeling by now) and write's me up a letter to the Royal Hobart Hospital addressed to a Neurosurgeon... what the

Toddled off to A&E thinking 'be there for a few hours... a few tests... sweet.. then I'll know the answer to what the'

More fool me. 5 hours later we are ushered through the doors of no return (after being highly amused by the rantings of a few people of questionable mental processes..... far more questionable than even mine.. the front runner being the guy who came in, demanded to know whether there was a doctor in the house.... and that he wanted to sue.... and oh where was he again.... he later appeared with 4 cops... then they took him back across to the cop shop for a nice lay down instead) . Anyhoo. A couple of nurses, a few doctors, some blood tests, some piss in a jar (and of course on your fingers... sometimes I think having a knob would be handy) tests it looks like a long long night. There's talk of possible aneurisms in my head... cat scans... angiograms... mri's... tho nothing seems to happen. Seeing as escape wasn't possible Skaed kindly toddled home to grab me a bag of something resembling underwear and clothing. Which of course spurred action. First of all I got a bed in A&E, thank GOD. Plastic chairs for 6 hours... I think my spine is still damaged. Then off for a Cat Scan... no huge fear, bung my head in a noisy donut, then flush me with stuff that makes me feel like I've wet myself... all clear. Still living in A&E.

Finally they find me a real bed in the Neuro nutjob ward (well the nutjob part was of course after I, the pirate wench arrived). High dependency ward (for fear of exploding aneurisms). Hourly observations with all the fun questions like who, what where, which wanker is controlling the country this week. Also the obligatory million needle pricks (my veins like to hide, they don't want me to be a junkie). Blood pressure, temperature, then opening my pirate eye to shine torches in it (instant headache every time). Lather rinse repeat. Trying to catch miniscule skerricks of sleep in between the poor dude across the ward from me who sounds like he's already gurgling away what's left of his life (even worse no one came to talk to him or give him love or even hold his hand).

30 hours (and a little stress, yes) later I'm going in for an angiogram. Nobody told me when I signed up for this gig that I would be repeating myself like a parrot (I'll get to the parrot) while multiple people poked at my groin... when it's my eyeball that's rooted. So all nicely (if somewhat lopsidedly shaved... you'd think they'd at least do both sides) the nurses and doctors all have a good poke around finding a likely artery to bung a needle into. Then after half an hour of feeding thingies up my arteries... deep breath, don't swallow, don't breathe, don't move (which picture taking seems to take an eternity when you've been living on nothing but saline and pain killers and some other random drug which made me throw up several times). Once again... clear.

Heaven... I can now eat again. Except it's so damn hot my jelly has turned to slop and the hot food has turned cold and the pukey drugs are still making my stomach churn. A little anti-puke drugs in the drip and an hour plus the BEST Lemonade icy pole ever I felt human again (if a little intimidated by another night listening to a man drown in his own lungs).

Nirvana... I'm moving to another ward... where I only have to be woken up at 2am and 6am.. and the other person in there speaks and is almost ready to go home (tho I'm sure she was eyeing me off... unless she thought I was winking at her... could be my fault after all).

Skaed has even managed to find a parrot for his pirate wench. His vocabulary is amazing.
'Show us your tits'
'Polly wants a f*&^ing cracker, Polly wants a f*&^ing cracker,Give polly a f*&^ing cracker,'
etc etc Much MUCH better than flowers.

Shortcut to today. The head of neurology said I could have weekend leave (wait... isn't that what they give the lunatics...oh well). After dinner tonight I'm back on the ward, ready to stop eating/drinking again. More blood tests and an MRI in the morning. Fingers crossed they'll say I have a gammy 3rd cranial nerve but it's just randomly inflamed and a course of steroids might set it to rights... or else I may be stuck there even longer.

In the mean time this pirate wench is signing off to post only at random once again.

Mwah

Fortescue Bay

No I'm not known for my 'outdoorsiness' (if that's a word). But this tassie place I live in is pretty speccy.

Lots of other stuff going on. Sexbomb came down for a Retro NYE party, Skaed is changing jobs more often than underpants (tho still not smoking, so who cares). As of next week I'm my Dad's boss.... weird yes.

Must go work no. Should return again, maybe some time this month.

Get your sordid sock puppets here

So I checked out a link on you-tube. It was tres funny (spanks Lost one)... and there's a link to a documentary on sock puppet porn.

Go on, link to it, I just dare ya, if you don't at least smirk then I don't know you!

Word of the day/week/month

Asshat
Who can refute such a wonderful word. Not quite as offensive as asshole, but meant with even more venom in the right tone of voice.
It's said rather a lot round my place of work now, teehee.On a less cheery note (and this weeks non-blogging excuse) I have a feral upper respiramatory infection (yes boys the lungs and behind the cleavarage for lack of better terms) causing the charming hawking up of less than pleasant things that I only WISH resembled furballs. Some days it does attribute a seximified huskiness to the voice (though when the boss says you sound sexy and he likes it, tis a tad disturbing), but for the most part it just denies me the opportunity to chalk up a free drink here and there, without the bonus of not going to work! Pooh. The insomnia I could also do without. ... bloody clowns.

Happiness is...

Undisturbed shells on Dolphin Sands beach (Tassie East Coast).. undisturbed til we collected some momento's anyways
Puppydogs forgetting it's been a while since they were puppies.
(Monte doing his patented shake rattle and roll)
Sand crusted Spaniel anyone?


Sammy "throw the damn ball back into the freezing water" the wonderdog

What the hell are you doing out in the frost at 6am.
Of COURSE I needed company to take frosty photo's.


Frost crusted plants (please note frostiness was some time ago, NOT current, tho it's cold enough to snow to 5oo metres again, dammit, my tan is fadinggggggg)

Where the feck have I been?

Las weeekend I was here looking at this (don't let the fact that is was pre 6.30am on a Sunday fool you, bloody dogs need to pee OK)





This weekend I was not here (tho god knows, men in uniform, yum)
This used to be Myer in Hobart.. $50million k later you get something like this...




and forgive me if i find twisted metal interesting (I am a twisted wench after all)





This one makes an AWESOME desktop
On other notes:

• I have managed to fall down a driveway after less than 2 drinks (2 months later.. still looks like scarring)
• Tried to feed my work comp keyboard a cup-a-soup today, much to my hysterical (with laughter) distress, it no longer functions, oh well, new one it is

And frankly I'm not feeling blogfunctional, enjoy the piccies.

Mel, love to you and yours and here's to hoping things get less dramatical.
Jadeycakes, Sexbomb and the princess, here's sending you all luvs to your mysterious goings on in all them various places.

I NEED to hold a BBQ, maybe on the weekend...... anti-grand final... specially after my 'classy' cousin was caught sending out photo's of hisself in his borat suit at 11am last saturday... classy camel!!

I'm OUTTA here

Updates!

Still no car, tho the pulsar is officially going to be a write off.

5am is not a fun time of day.

Will say more when all is goodness again!

(but psst we've got our eye on a rather sporty magna)

Rude Start to the Day

You just KNOW when the phone rings at 6am (twice) that it can't be good news.

Poor Skaed was innocently toddling to work for another (obscene) 6am start this morning. I heard the phone ring... it was dark, figured I'd best answer it as only the brave/needy would bother calling me on a Sunday while it's dark. Mornington has claimed another victim. He was doing around 70km/h in the pitch black 5.45amness (you know that cold cold hour before the sun decides to wake it's lazy ass up) when some black ice jumped up and bit the tyres and steered him into the guard rail.


We now have confirmation that the air bag worked, though it did smack him slightly in the eyeball (makes me look like a man-beater) and the handbrake had a slight stab to bruise his forearm. Apart from that and some obvious well deserved shakiness he's all good.

The car.... well the damage from hitting a kangaroo last year will get fixed now, coz the cracked bumper is now utterly smashed to pieces. The front left corner of the car is somewhat abbreviated... the wheel looks like a normal one but the enginey type stuff looks to be kinda outta shape and it don't go no more.

Once I hauled my sorry holidaying ass out of bed to go collect I realised my car wasn't under the carport so was more a glacier tone of white and frozen stiff. The hose was also frozen stiff. Unearthed the bloody bucket and of course while elegantly sluicing water across the windscreen I slopped it down my leg. Made it up to evil Mornington unscathed, parked the car and this fog just rocked on in turning the highway into a pit of fog and icy goodness.

Thanks to the coppers who gave me a few major giggles yelling at people driving too fast, asking the other cop to back the car up a little, just to make sure he wasn't the last one driving as last time he was in this situation someone wrote off the police car he was driving.... and the ultimate blog fodder comment:

Some times I think they really shouldn't issue us with guns

Then the tow truck fairy came and hauled poor lil lonely cold Peeves the Pulsar onto the flat bed. Whilst this was happening the Citybound lanes were pretty much full of tow-truck so the cops were slowing the cars righttttttttt down. Of course one supreme wanker came in SO hot he nearly took out the cop and the two stopped cars in front of him. TWAT.

Oh joy, guess I'll be starting my days at 5am quite a bit. Yes we still have 2 cars at our disposal but no neither are auto therefore only I can drive them. Doh.

Anyhoo enough typing in gloves (it's actually not that hard). Time for breakfast and a lovely call to make a slight insurance claim. Poor bastards, 2 cars in less than 12 months.

After my fingers thaw I might post some frosticle photo's from this morning for the whinging Queenslanders

Drivel & Nonsense (as usual)

So there was no shacking and I had a HUGE sulk. I know it's not Skaed's fault he got called into work that night (and I would have gone to work had I been called in) but at 8.15am my uncle calls, all good to go shacking. At 8.20am the phone rings again (no one rings me at that hour, seriously, if I'm not at work I'm not out of bed nor likely to answer people), and it's his work.

Anyways after 24 hours of being a complete laa-laa extreme I got over it and turned total dag (so unusual) and dragged the boy for a spot of:

• bug the draftsmen guy and ask him how much to draw up the house so I can get things into motion therein starting my heart attack
• saunter through Clive Peeeeeeters eyeing off sexy stoves, rangehoods, dishwashers and other assorted things
• Hit the 10 pin lanes for some average-ish cahoots and hysterical laughter over the air-hockey table (air-hockey including childish tears of laughter, flying pucks, my bra somehow doing stunts.. damn thing decided it wasn't built for such sporting pursuits and it would rather just sneakily flip one cup under my boob... thank god it was freezing and i was wearing two tops)

FINALLY dragged my ass back to Jim (other people call it Gym.. If I'm going to get hot and sweaty I can at least masculinise the concept)... Now I hurt.

On a side note Sexbomb should by now have achieved her Silver (I think) medals for dancing but the COW hasn't text me yet. Hope that mean's she off celebrating with Shagzzy. Fingers crossed.

Word of the week - Drinjjjury

Decided each week needs a new word.

This weeks word is.... (drum roll)

Drinjjjury (pronounced with a definite slurrrr)

Definition: Injury caused by excessive imbibing of alcohol (or other mind altering substance)

Examples of Drinjjjuries:

• Bruised tailbone the size of a small country the day after my 30th.... completely un-noticed til I came to (I won't even pretend I woke up that morning) and went outside to sip cold fruity orange juice in the sun... plastic chairs on decks are not meant to be instruments of torture
• Sprained ankles...... will have to go with the infamous Sugar Shack nightclub birthday spectacular. After a classy evening on complimentary Bacardi Breezes on arrival, complimentary champagne for a few hours, then dive straight into $2 Vodka Diet cokes this night was never going to end daintily. Add in little enough self consciousness to enter a dance competition, and somehow managing to win the prize (thanks to my extremely loud whooping and hollering by the Sexbomb, Princess & the Minibomb (and their bribery to some nearby drunk/whoopy/hollery boys)... a $50 drink card. Just what I needed. Staggering out of the club many hours later, a few friends less (they gave in, I was busy in conversation with some random people by this stage) I went to the magical hole in the wall to withdraw money to pay some poor sod to taxi me home when a crack in the concrete jumped up and ripped my ankle out from under me and my sizable ass landed on top of it. I was rather distressed at this point (not that I didn't appreciate the assistance of 'grey shirt' who we'd been checking out earlier) by the fact that I was extremely drunk and could feel the pain. Six weeks later when I finally got off crutches and my foot had finished doing it's best impression of a cabbage patch dolls foot I named this my best drinjjjury to date. Oh how we all laughed at me.
  
• Sprained ankles 2 & 3... similar theme. It's Minibomb's fault... drinking with her in public brings out the worst in my crappy ankles... Actually father can add about another 3 of these drinjjuries to this list and my aunt a broken ankle caused by falling off a bar... we're a close family in many things.
• Multiple random bruises in inexplicable places... Living End mosh pit... how the hell someone bruised the bejeebus out of my sternum like that I'll never know. Even the bruises from Skaed dragging me out of the pit (to ensure I didn't die in many sweaty squishy armpits) were impressive. Could almost see the fingerprints on my arm.

**emails a link to the Oxford Dictionary to petition for inclusion**

Stuff & Nonsenical Superheroineizmz

Yeehaw, I'm on hollerdays... sucked in to all the normal people who don't waste their holidays in the middle of winter.

• Apparently I could be a superhero who turns men to jelly (Somehow I doubt it but damn if it doesn't sound like fun)
• No major incidents on the boat yesterday.... lots of chilled out fun (rather chilly, somewhere around 5-9 degrees c)
• Stupid cowboy boots I wore decided they weren't on speaking terms on the walk to the boat though... one went forward, the other went back... that wasn't the way I was planning on improving my flexamability (tho could need that much fleximability if I'm gonna grow up to be a superhero)
• The uberfrost we had last year the DAY I went on the Peppermint Bay cruise decided to come this morning... a day late... frozen everything again... was so tempted to go tap the skanky looking underwear on the washing line in the hope that it smashed to pieces to go shopping... passed as i was busy bolting for the warmth of the car... -2.5 ain't fun to walk around in wearing a dress and stockings (it was dark and I needed clothes fast... PS cleavage and negative temperatures are probably not a sensible combination, tho somewhat attention grabbing)
• I was gonna crap on about something else... but I've lost the urge (and the feeling in my fingertips)

So should I go up to uncles shack for a single night (view above is off the deck)... I know it's only a 2 hour drive each way, I'm just getting put off by:

• Have to pack up all human bedding
• have to pack up all dog bedding
• Guess who'll have to go shopping
• and pack the food
• and some clothing
• and 90% sure I'll have to do the driving (which could involve some ice-capades if these temperatures continue)
  

yes I'm a lazy tart... these ARE my holidays.... it would just be so much more fun if'n I could get up there for more than one night with the other half, but of course his roster is craptacular and I don't really fancy hanging out with all my friends who are available (read Zero).

where is that link to hireamate.com again...

Freebie Escapades

So occasionally working in Hospitality has it's perks.... not like you'd be in it for the (paltry) money, and love don't pay the bills (unless you're talking prostitution).

These perks resulting in me and my mad workmate from Melbourne (who's filling in for me so's I can bludge off next week and do some hard core vegetation) tomorrow queueing up for a Peppermint Bay cruise.

I have been before... and loved it. This was my front yard when I went last year. Yes that's ubercrunchy frost.
Now that we've said we're going I thought I might check the weather forecast:

Forecast for Sunday :
Showers, more frequent during the morning. Snow about the mountain, lowering to around 600 metres later. Cool to cold, with light to moderate southwest winds.
Precis	Showers, mountain snow.	Min	04	Max	09

Ahem.... fook.

Oh well we'll still get to cruise about and see pretty stuff like:

The Alum Cliffs

Sun setting over Mt Wellington (the one that will have snow to 600m tomorrow)

Tasman Bridge

And lots of other purdy stuff I no longer have a camera to photograph. I am taking donations for a new camera, absolutely hate not having one.

Going on a (freezing) freebie, woohooooooo

Brokeback Mountain

Now I know how Jake thingenhall felt when Heath Ledger bent him over up that mountain....

Cold, vulnerable and exposed... though less penetrated in an overtly sexual manner.

Classy introduction I know.

Anyone who knows me well knows I loves to be on the water and I was goin fishin on Monday coz it WAS a pubic hollerday.

So I went fishing.....

It was 5 degrees (Celsius for those in the wrong part of the planet who don't speak the metric language... I don't translate).

The wind was blowing about 20 knots from the South West (read Anfreakingtarctica).

I had STUPIDLY decided I would look an utter knob if I zipped the sleeves into Dad's 50th Birthday present Stormy Seas Jacket as the sleeves are about six inches longer than my stumpy arms.

Dressed to the (fishing) nines in old sneakers, warm sockies, trackie bums (with bleach stain of course), long sleeve tshirt (complete with Some Girls Are Born Wicked slogan), Polar fleece type trackie jacket (not the favourite/comfy/warmest one, that's gone on a hollerday to Hawaii) and the 'chickenfeed' (crap shop) chenille beanie & matching scarf... I hopped on to big G's boat... a Zodiac (read fibreglass hull with a big blow up ring around it) not really realising I have NOfuckinwhere to hide from the ebil ebil ebil icy mofo wind.

Long story short.... it was as cold as Brokeback Mountain, it was windier than Brokeback mountain.. there were less sheep (tho I could see a few). I didn't get bent over (didn't have a tent either though).

But DAMN it was nice to be out and about and cold and alive on the water again!

For Mel

March? I think this year at Marion Bay

Return from the Grave

No I'm not dead (sorry to dissapoint) I've just been busy/distracted/idiotically drunk/lazy. Take your pick, I think they all apply.

I'm trying to think which stories of idiocy to tell but truth be told they're so plentifull/drunken/idiotic that it's hard to tell where to go (and yes for some hard to remember).

I was told I had a great birthday... (WITH purple cupcakes Thanks to the Martha Stewarts for those) Woke up feeling surprisingly undamaged... til I sat down and found a bruise on my tail bone the size of a small country. Didn't that feel delicious curled up on the grass at the cricket match the next day.

Princess & Doveboy came down to play for a few days and I skulked off from work for a few days to play tour guide as I luvs to do (Remarkable caves as below... have several bajillion photo's from while they were down & I'm not patient enought to post them all.. besides those tarts are currently in Bali)

Somewhere along the lines my cousin got engaged and had a party... ended up tres messy somewhere around 7am the next day as we tend to do. ... BUT with the promise of a wedding up on the Whitsundays somewhere August next year.

There was also a fly-by trip to Melbourne to be mesmerised by Amy Lee and the Evanescence crew with a stay at the Sofitel (gotta love staff rates) and a divine dinner at Verge . Bloody amazing weekend all round that one.

Back to reality now. Work is much quieter, thank god... and I have a week off coming (but unfortunately no freaking camera as mine has gone walkabout grrr)

Must go out for coffee. Going fishing tomorrow so no doubt will have a fresh new hilarious tale of woe regarding fish hooks/spines/blood/bruises by then.

It's my Birthday!

Shit.

Dirty Thirty.

Ramblings

Yes the interweb is once again at my disposal, and now (as at 11pm) I think my poor damaged brain cell and much maligned flag waving liver may now allow a little creative juice to flow... possibly.

Christmas day was pretty crap (as it is when you have some bronchitisy/laryngitisy drag queen sounding, pack a day smoked coughing lurgy and you're at work). Hence Boxing day ended up with me drowning my sorrows in mucho quantities of red wine.

NYE also involved work, as did Jan 1, so last night there was revenge to be had once again.

Smiley flew down from Sydney to play for a coupla weeks of r&r (or aa more likely). Dropped off some of her stuff to her mums, ducked over to pick up the bosses hubby, checked in to a room at work and did much running amok at Taste of Tasmania.

Highlights include:

• Bottle upon bottle upon bottle of Heemskerk Jansz delicious sparkly goodness (far too many to count... I'm sure we should actually be dead today)
• Divine cocktails mysteriously appearing on the table in front of us ladies (I use the word ladies VERY sarcastically)
• A Seafood platter from a stall that neither Smiley nor I could identify to the six people who asked us where we got it from
• Bosses hubby falling on his ass just because standing up got too hard at some stage
• Other truly appalling behaviour that's probably just best forgotten

Bosses man unfortunately had to start work at 7am... throbbing head and all... I'm only going to send him pity because the rest of us escaped unscathed.

How us girls survived without headaches, melting livers, or any intestinal pyrotechnics will forever remain a mystery. We DID try to drink a bottle of water with most of the bottles of sparkling... who knows, they might actually be right about that whole drinking water thing.

Taste of Tasmania 2006-2007 will forever remain a happy if somewhat fuzzy memory... apologies to any/everyone I offended. I don't get out much... now I remember why.

Other highlights so far this year.... sucking up to the team of DSK Comifin (an Italian yacht crew from the Sydney to Hobart) and scoring a true team cap (yes I'm easily pleased and I likes free stuff, specially from extremely hot men).

End of last year highlight.... halfway through the staff party the boss deciding we could charge spirits to the tab (never seen people shift over to a bar so damn fast) and me making it home from the staff party with free accommodation, free movie tickets, ferry tickets to Maria Island and a couple of bottles of plonk richer.

Seven days and counting until the dreaded 30th. Poo.

Not dead...... yet

No I'm not still on holidays (dammit) but my home interweb has got the hiccups and doesn't like me nor want me online.

Came back from the amazingly fantastic relaxey/winey/cheesey/sleepey/drivey/funky holiday . Will post some piccies etc of the holidays when my interweb and I are once again on speaking terms.

A few days later and I leapt back into work doing dad's job (ie leaving home at 7am and lucky to be home before 7pm, though there may have been a few 'after work, dear god my head is spinning out of control' drinks here and there).

Somewhere along the way was a great housewarming at the boss's (& her adorable hubby's) place. As usual, first to arrive, last to leave, nothing knew there, this skill is hereditary.... though I did manage to drive home (yes I was sober and I got breathalysed to prove it).

Spent the weekend soaking my liver in substances alcoholic, ranging from beautiful (yet cheap) red wines purchased in McLarenvale (somewhere near meadows), Vodka, Ouzo, Beer, Bourbon and really no idea what else. Cousins are bad influences (and great fun). I now really would like to purchase 'buzz the music quiz' for the ps2 because I really do suck at it and it's a great drinking game and causes much ruckus and stupidity when mixed with alcomohol.

Then spent some time lazing in the sun like a lizard soaking up the heat (lets leave the subject of my pink v white tan lines and their locations alone for a moment)

Have now stumbled back on to night audit for 4 nights, oh joy.

Speaking of which, the filing has started talking to me (things like that happen around 5am ya know).

Cop ya

Hommus (& cya suckers)

I promised Smiley I'd send her my hommus....... recipe for lack of better term for throwing stuff in a blender in quantities that tickle my tastebuds. So why not share.

Please note all quantities are pretty much plucked from thin air. Make it how you like it. Add chilli flakes if you can hack it (ps they get hotter day by day), throw in Cajun Spice mix if you like it hot, who the hell cares, you're eating it.

1 425(?)g Chickpeas, drained
50ml boiling water
1 tablespoon tahini (usually lives in the healthfood aisle, sesame seed paste)
2 tablespoons Fresh (or bottled) lemon or lime juice (pick your fave)
1 teaspoon crushed garlic
Pinch of salt (entirely optional)
1 teaspoon ground Cummin
1 teaspoon ground Coriander
Cracked Pepper to taste
(optional added extras... ie if you have them hanging about they could just make your day)
Freshly chopped coriander (even if it does come out of the tube for those as lazy as me)
Cummin or Coriander seeds
Chilli Flakes
Cajun Spices (usually best put in before cummin/coriander, easier to balance flavour that way)

Dump the lot in a blending receptacle of some description and blend til it tastes delicious but is still slightly lumpy... texture is a good thing people.

Taste, add stuff at will, blend some more... etc etc til ur tastebuds are tingling and you have the insane urge to stuff hommus in your mouth until the whole thing is empty.
PS this stuff needs no oil to preserve, will last about a week in the fridge (if'n you don't pig out on it long before then, if it's in the fridge that long you made it wrong).

Recipe idea: Use it instead of tomato paste on a pizza with some Dukkha chicken and roasted capsicum and other yummies, absolutely divine.

Must sod off, clothes are packed and house is in state of utter shambles.

Cop ya in a week peoples!!!

Stuff & Nonsense, Divinity & Borinness

Well, I've been approaching death with quietness, this much is true.

Leaving home at 9.30am and barely making it home by 12.30am will do that to ya. As will volunteering to house sit (and dog, cat, spa & more importantly CAR sit).... Trying to blog from dial up hell is a less than pleasant way to spend time.

The upsides of life are these:

1. I have a car!!! God how I've missed her. I had to take her for a quick shopping expedition then home, so she wasn't exhausted or feeling neglected.
   
2. I'm on Holidays (for 2 whole divine weeks, including a week toddling from Adelaide to Melbourne via the Great Ocean Road)
3. Results day at the gym went well, more kg's that have gone awol, more cm's of me that have seemingly melted away. Relieving seeing as I've had transport issues, girlfriends visiting and gourmet meals here there and everywhere.
4. Took Skaed out for a gastronomic orgasm the other night, and his boss paid for it... value!

The crap sides (all happening to other people....... sorry guys, it's not often I actually have all good stuffs going on at once)

1. Smiley didn't get the job we were dying for her to get on the Sunshine Coast. Buttheads
2. SexBomb took a dive yesterday at the shops after too much dancing and not enough food/water.... silly muffin, EAT AND DRINK woman, I'll be there to monitor your progress bloody soon.

I also had some great random thoughts through the week.... well they wre great at the time, now they're more vague recollections.
I know 'what does human flesh taste like?' was a contender, but beyond that....farknose.

Must attempt being crafty and skankify some clothes for Ma & Pa to dress up as hookers at the party while i'm away. Dad's going for a black above the knee skirt with one side ruched up pretty much to the waist. Mum's is a pink snakeskin beauty we're going to slit up both sides pretty much to ass level. Funny how sewing actually has a (small) amusement level when used for Pimp & Prostitute amusement.

Am contemplating taking the lawn mower for a walk in the sunshine...... just so not in the mood for gritty sweaty cleavage.

Just Stuff

Well, the drunken blogging didn't happen. Not due to lack of drunkenness (on my behalf anyways, that black vodka does the job as good as any purely clear vodka).

We just did girly stuff. Out for lunch to the old cannery and a poke around, stopped in on the folks to try to pass on some gear for dad to get all 'pimp & prostituted' up in 2 weeks time (yes of course he's going as a pro, he's just not the pimping type).

Slinking off to the pub to make poor Skaed work even harder than usual (the one bonus of knowing the bar staff is the vodka's they pour knock ur panties off in one fell swoop) and listening to the bluesy band on a Sunday arvo/night.

Buggering off to the Cadbury factory (me having lived here about half my life but had never been there). Apparently we were about 3 months late, you can no longer take free samples as you travel through the factory (boo, hiss) but you do get 5 samples at the start or end and a box of Favourites on the way out.

Then sitting nearly motionless in the sun outside Mezethes in Salamanca Square, scoffing Saganaki, sipping Sparkling wine with lunch (only to be sprung by bloody relatives while being a lady of leisure.... well he was there having lunch tooooo).

And the sad part of sending Sexbomb back to the boring old town of Melbourne. Lucky we'll be there with her again by the 11th of November, so all is well.

The insurance assessor dude called yesterday about the car... $8,000 (I believe I choked and said Jeebus at the same moment, thank god I'm not paying).

Also chatted up a dear friend of mine who bashes panels for a living.... at least another week if not more til I get my freedom back!

Bah.... time to go let the Smiling Assassin torture me! Cop Ya

Disclaimer

Disclaimer effective until Monday afternoon. Posts most likely will contain swearing, cussing, social commentary of the dissident drunken idiot kind, perversions, kinkiness, stupidity and general states brought about by the consumption of the Black Vodka I made a spontaneous purchase of this afternoon (or the case and a half of red stashed in the pantry), coupled with the company of the SexBomb herfineself!

So yeah, good stuff to come (if we're able to type anything that makes sense).

How is this different to normal? I hear you ask.

This time I have someone to blame!!!!

Yayyyyy

fire, fire, burning bright

NOT something I like to see. I have a healthy respect/fear (combined with fascination) with fire.

Arriving at work and being told it could take you 2-3 hours to drag your sorry ass home that night is not pleasant.

10 bushfires yesterday (and most likely continuing to burn today, hopefully more controlled) in the greater Hobart area.

Seeing the sun like this is just eerie. Haven't heard about any lost houses yet, mostly sheds, fences, and poor wildlife I'm sure.

We cleared 34 degrees yesterday, talk about obscene. Just to make matters even better the air-con at work had a heart attack at the heat and could only cool us down to 30 or so (lovely when you're working in a long sleeve shirt and for about 30 seconds a jacket).

Highways were chaotic/closed. The poor guys who run the airport shuttle service only got people to flights on time (as highway closure was between city and airport) because the flight crew were late as well.

Fingers crossed things are a little less nuts today.

It was spooky last night driving home and seeing this on the road, felt like it was within touching distance....

Why going to work some days just isn't worthwhile

And lo and behold Blogger has decided that one photo is enough. Stupid blogger, I can't even up load my Porker picture.
Oh and by the way yes I'm OK, the car's in hospital, she had to go in the car ambulance (that wheel was on a quite absurd angle). Don't know (or particularly care) what condition my near neighbour's car is in.
Night!

Modem go Crunch

Taa to all for comments, would answer them but trying to sneak this one in while at work.

Skaed had an oops.

Jumped up in the study to answer the phone. Boot + Modem+ Wall=no internet for me at the moment. They crunch into tiny pieces.

You'll be glad to know I haven't killed any random animals, or people, have been mainly sober and going to gym/eating properly (yeah yeah piss boring I know).

Know I had something hilarious to tell but will settle for:

• Met Mr Hardman today (a guest.....god the things I wanted to say.... could NOT keep a straight face)
• SexBomb has proven she's a drunken skank (multiple drunken forgotten phone calls last night, forgotten wallet, trying to vomit in bins on the way to work, you name it, she probably did it and is denying it)
• there's something I can't remember... maybe that was in a Vodka fuddled brain cell that popped....

Anyhoo, that's why I'm very shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Cop ya when I get the patience to reconfig the old modem (takes a few vodkas, I don't have a few vodkas to spare, saving them for when SkankBomb hits town next Sat night)

Shout Outs

To the cop who pulled me over doing 127km in a 110km zone and downgraded me from a 3 point, $110 fine to a 124km/hr $80 fine turned caution (so I don't gots to pay). Thank you.

To Skaed who bought me the most kitch pink piggie that sings 'my girl' complete with croony head and body movements and that makes me laugh without fail. Thank you. (will take a piccie of Porker the pig on my days off to show his kitch cuteness).

To Smiley who came down to play and got me completely blotto (could have been my fault slightly also). Thank you.

To everyone who's put up with my complete drunken idiocy for the past two weeks. Your all nuts.
Thank you.

Things that go 'baa, thump' in the night

Well in the afternoon anyways.

I picked Smiley up yesterday, and we toddled around gathering deliciousness (in the form of Salmon and Vodka) in the afternoon.

Somewhere between the shops and the pub.... a baa lamb was innocently (if somewhat stupidly) toddling along the road.

I couldn't swerve left or we'd be dead in the ditch, I couldn't swerve right or I'd hit the 4wd coming in at about 100km. I braked for all I was worth.

Thud.

Fuck.

I had to go back and find out what happened to BaaBaa.

He wasn't on the road.

He wasn't in the ditch by the side of the road.

BaaBaa the flying sheep was lying in the paddock.... 25 METRES away from the road.

What the fuck?

How does a dead flying lamb fly that far???

We got the giggles (to smother our horror/discomfort) which turned to distress as allllll the other sheepies in the paddock wigged out and bolted off up the hill away from us (obviously marking us as the mass murder type).

Anyhoo in true (of late) me style we came home, had a delicious dinner (I even managed to make coconut jelly!) before downing the bottle of vodka and a lot of red wine just for the hell of it.

I am the only one in the house (apart from the dog) that hasn't thrown their guts up. (Classy or what).

I put it down to the hard training I've been doing this week (at drinking, not at the gym).

Night before last I had a 'quiet knock off' drink with one of the regulars at work. That took nearly six hours to finish... me thinks my kidney has come out waving the white flag!

Must sod off, trying to con uncle into lending us the adorable shack (will force Smiley onto the tennis court) muahahahaha. If she's stopped hurling that is