Things that go 'baa, thump' in the night

Well in the afternoon anyways.

I picked Smiley up yesterday, and we toddled around gathering deliciousness (in the form of Salmon and Vodka) in the afternoon.

Somewhere between the shops and the pub.... a baa lamb was innocently (if somewhat stupidly) toddling along the road.

I couldn't swerve left or we'd be dead in the ditch, I couldn't swerve right or I'd hit the 4wd coming in at about 100km. I braked for all I was worth.

Thud.

Fuck.

I had to go back and find out what happened to BaaBaa.

He wasn't on the road.

He wasn't in the ditch by the side of the road.

BaaBaa the flying sheep was lying in the paddock.... 25 METRES away from the road.

What the fuck?

How does a dead flying lamb fly that far???

We got the giggles (to smother our horror/discomfort) which turned to distress as allllll the other sheepies in the paddock wigged out and bolted off up the hill away from us (obviously marking us as the mass murder type).

Anyhoo in true (of late) me style we came home, had a delicious dinner (I even managed to make coconut jelly!) before downing the bottle of vodka and a lot of red wine just for the hell of it.

I am the only one in the house (apart from the dog) that hasn't thrown their guts up. (Classy or what).

I put it down to the hard training I've been doing this week (at drinking, not at the gym).

Night before last I had a 'quiet knock off' drink with one of the regulars at work. That took nearly six hours to finish... me thinks my kidney has come out waving the white flag!

Must sod off, trying to con uncle into lending us the adorable shack (will force Smiley onto the tennis court) muahahahaha. If she's stopped hurling that is

Why I've been AWOL

OK so I've had what I consider a hard week. It started when this happened.

I kinda sauntered in the door to work, as one does only to be cornered by rampant (numerous) staff members determined to bring me up to date.

I was a little shell shocked. As per usual it couldn't have hit the fan on a worse day. We had functions in every room, a nearly full hotel, and extra staff called in to try to keep things running as OK as is possible.

Then I worked out just who they were talking about and the shock factor kinda increased.

The night before I'd been merrily minding my own business when this bubbly woman bounds up chasing info on the night spots about town. I pointer her in (what I considered) the right direction, which is where she was headed anyways. Just dressed in the casual/conservative/comfy in my own skin kinda style. Determined that having fun was coming second, work was just an inconvenience that would be managed as well as possible in the state she may end up in. She even had plans for the next night all worked out.

As she trotted out that door, carefree and determine to have fun I thought nothing more about it, just got on with the daily grind.

Til I got to work the next day and remembered. I was a little slack jawed and wide eyed for a few minutes, then a little guilty.... did I send her out into that? Then the next thought process is jeebus, we send hundreds of people on their ways to nights out, it really just is a bad pick of the litter.

So I'm working away quietly, forensics and police coming and going (always a good look) and just check who else was up there that night, did anyone hear anything. Five coppers (one in the room immediately next door), 8 defence force guys.... jeebus jeebus jeebus, talk about bizarro world None of them were any the wiser.

My night auditor rang in (having just seen the news), I'm naming her Wednesday coz she really does remind me of her some nights. Tried to tell her just a little to settle her down. Complete opposite effect. The duty manager tries to call her only to be told to fuck off by her fiance. Firefighter (the casual night auditor) has been fighting fires all day after coming off night shift, he's in no state to work. All eyes fell on me. Fuck.... another graveyard, but this time a split shift ending in a graveyard. Double fuck.

I quietly slunk away to the bar at 7pm (having started at 3pm) figuring work owed me a quiet one. One of the spanish crew offered to buy me a drink ... awwww, so sweet, but I figured I had to be sober by 11pm when I was coming back on shift so sadly refused (and dammit they sent him home the next day and I never saw him again for the promised drink or dance).

I hooned up to the service station, pick up some highly caffeinated beverages and slunk back to the hotel and up to the room my exboss and I had macabrely selected directly below the one where all the action was last night. Called the boys downstairs and demanded free steak (which I actually got) and curled up in a bed with no hope whatsoever of falling asleep. Flicking thru the channels I found a Nicholas Cage movie "the Weatherman" paid no attention to it but still didn't sleep. It ended, flick flick flick onto SBS and these words appeared in subtitle fashion "just stick a heated banana in your fanny and let him do you up the ass". What the HELL is going on in this world. I swear I wasn't hallucinating. After 2 curious minutes I lost interest and a movie was on with Matthew McConaughey in it, hubba hubba, no sleep for me!!

Back down to work at 11pm. Thankfully a farily quiet night, tho in the state of the tired it was quiet hard enough.

At 5.30am my boss texts me to say she's coming in early so I don't get dead driving home... and the offer stands that if I need a nanna nap the room upstairs is still mine. I want my bed, I want my man, I want my dog to keep me warm. To sleep around 9am and MUCH to my disgust bolt awake by 12, tho still feeling, looking most zombie like. Dragged my butt into the shower, off to the gym, then down to the olds for dinner (didn't feel like sitting around alone much). Had a few quiet drinks with dinner, then decided to crack the magnum of Cab Sauv in the car. That was the end of both Dad & I. Passed out around 11pm only to wake at 5.30am with screaming howls of wind. Crap (sleep total now 9.5 hours in 2 days). Toddled around a bit for the day, home, shower etc then remember tonight's the night work was putting on drinks for the spanish crew. I had promised a couple of the guys I'd be there. I'm not one to re-neg (thought the thought of alcohol was not particularly tempting).

Slapped on some acceptable girlie clothing (rather than boxy uniform type stuff) and toddled off to the bar at work. A couple of quiet ones with work and the adorable spaniards (some of these guys have been there since August 1) and escaped to drop the boss home to her place. One more quiet one with her and her hubby. My cousin (who I inexplicably haven't seen in months) texts me and says his brother's over and why don't I come have a couple of drinks and watch the football. I figure I can ignore the football but company... yeah.

5.30am I'm in a reasonably drunken red wine/vodka/port/jagermeister induced haze. My cousin Camel has turned very 'rock out with my cock out' Utterly unneccesary when you consider we're all related... some things you just don't want to see/know about family.

I finally pass out... for 4 hours... god DAMN it my body hates me (total sleep now 14.5 hours in 3 days). Haven't been home for days.

Stagger home, shower, deep breaths, shuffle on the work gear. Forgot the spaniards had invited us to visit their ship at 1pm. At work that afternoon and the captain asks what happened. I hang head in shame and admit I had too long a night to be there. An hour later the chef bounds up and says 'you no on ship today' Duh. 'You come tomorrow, you come with Care Bear & Spanner, I make you lunch'. Woohoo, free lunch (and knowing these guys free booze ..... the kidney moans like the defeated organ it is).

Home that night, crashed and slept... at last.. until rudely awakened by the alarm.

This time we DID make it onto the boat. The grand tour and all. Crawling all over the bridge, through the kitchen, hanging out the gangway holes without gangways. Delicious food AND some photo's. Due to pouring rain I couldn't get a decent one of the outside but Incat did and they built it.

Will upload my pics (maybe) when I have a few more minutes.

Then on to work last night. Kinda nice when everyone who goes past stops for a smooch on each cheek on their way upstairs. Kinda sad when you realise that's the last you'll see of them (but glad my man's not a furry face, I think I got beard rash while workinig.... classy much).

So anyways, that's where the hell I've been.

As for the sexcapades... SexBomb the lazy tart won't write it herself (I have begged btw). Basically he's a man, without a clue, mixed messages fucking galore. One minute all touchy feely, the next just an instructor. Get a CLUE travoltage, either you want in (and why wouldn't you) or you don't. It's simple you wanker.

Ahem

Rant ends here

PS the murder rumours are rife

• It was something Michael Hutchence style
• He was mentally unwell and off his meds
• The reason it's a murder charge is he's been fantasising about it

I just want to know what comes out in the trial, that should close it off properly. Just need to know what happened to her, my heart goes out to her friends and family.

Sexcapades (she wishes)

OK OK enough with the pressure people (can't believe you're insane enough to care about our bs, lol).

If you're not up to speed scrol l down to the next post, I can't be assed reitterating stuff, it's my Sunday afternoon.

Sexbomb did confess her affections for Travoltage. In the pure chicken manner (online that is, and no that's not a criticism, I think it's a bloody good idea for us cluckers).

They started confessing via ringaroot.com (or whatever the dating site is called) and crunch time arrived when he asked if he could see the picture she'd cunningly hidden. She hesitated (obviously) and did admit that they knew each other in that reality place hence the hesitation.

Some 24 hours and a dancing lesson later she managed to throw him the password and all was revealed (brave girl, more power to ya). He claimed he had a feeling it was her (yeah like guys get vibes about things like this... then again he is a dance teacher... could be in touch with his feminine side).

Unfortunately he also said that studio rules are no fraternising with students, blah blah blah blah.

Things are ok between them now, but having stated the previous rule, Shazza,
SexBomb, Travoltage and the other random dance teacher who can now be called ummmm Astaire (tummy's too hungry to think up anything better) were all found at a Melbourne bar after class last night, until some ungodly hour just drinking, dancing and having a giggle.... so bugger me there will be further posts!!!

On other notes

1. I survived to results day for my buffenating... 4km and 10cm of my body bits and pieces have been worked off. Woohoo, I went the right way!
2. Work is STILL full of Spaniards and some of them are heading for the dead set sleeeeeeeeazy category having hit on 4-5 female staff members in a night.
3. Sleazoidism has spread from these guys to
1. The guys that were on a variety bash car rally type thing who asked for just "2 minutes" of my time (apparently that's all they need)
2. Other Spaniards
3. and other random guests who range from asking to escort female staff to nightclubs, join them for dinner and my pearler 'do you give massages?'. Yeah I love to give random massages to twunts (I'm borrowing that word, HMHB) who are on holidays with their mother while hitting on other staff, myself included. (NB My theory is he's gay but not out of the closet yet so sleazing to put mummy off the scent.
4. Sexbomb is coming to visit me in October. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, but dear god, the bitch wants me to go to the Cadbury Factory (guess who's going to go with just enough money for the tour and not a cent more!)
5. Smiley is also coming to visit me in 3 weeks... hot damn I almost have a social life!
6. Richard Marx was fab, still got a great voice and hey, I'm a dag, bring back the 80's! (Dinner and running into a mate from 8 years ago was also great)
7. I'm addicted to hommus... in a big way! Speaking of which, must go shmear some around so I can eat before my stomach turns cannibal and eats itself