Rude Start to the Day

You just KNOW when the phone rings at 6am (twice) that it can't be good news.

Poor Skaed was innocently toddling to work for another (obscene) 6am start this morning. I heard the phone ring... it was dark, figured I'd best answer it as only the brave/needy would bother calling me on a Sunday while it's dark. Mornington has claimed another victim. He was doing around 70km/h in the pitch black 5.45amness (you know that cold cold hour before the sun decides to wake it's lazy ass up) when some black ice jumped up and bit the tyres and steered him into the guard rail.


We now have confirmation that the air bag worked, though it did smack him slightly in the eyeball (makes me look like a man-beater) and the handbrake had a slight stab to bruise his forearm. Apart from that and some obvious well deserved shakiness he's all good.

The car.... well the damage from hitting a kangaroo last year will get fixed now, coz the cracked bumper is now utterly smashed to pieces. The front left corner of the car is somewhat abbreviated... the wheel looks like a normal one but the enginey type stuff looks to be kinda outta shape and it don't go no more.

Once I hauled my sorry holidaying ass out of bed to go collect I realised my car wasn't under the carport so was more a glacier tone of white and frozen stiff. The hose was also frozen stiff. Unearthed the bloody bucket and of course while elegantly sluicing water across the windscreen I slopped it down my leg. Made it up to evil Mornington unscathed, parked the car and this fog just rocked on in turning the highway into a pit of fog and icy goodness.

Thanks to the coppers who gave me a few major giggles yelling at people driving too fast, asking the other cop to back the car up a little, just to make sure he wasn't the last one driving as last time he was in this situation someone wrote off the police car he was driving.... and the ultimate blog fodder comment:

Some times I think they really shouldn't issue us with guns

Then the tow truck fairy came and hauled poor lil lonely cold Peeves the Pulsar onto the flat bed. Whilst this was happening the Citybound lanes were pretty much full of tow-truck so the cops were slowing the cars righttttttttt down. Of course one supreme wanker came in SO hot he nearly took out the cop and the two stopped cars in front of him. TWAT.

Oh joy, guess I'll be starting my days at 5am quite a bit. Yes we still have 2 cars at our disposal but no neither are auto therefore only I can drive them. Doh.

Anyhoo enough typing in gloves (it's actually not that hard). Time for breakfast and a lovely call to make a slight insurance claim. Poor bastards, 2 cars in less than 12 months.

After my fingers thaw I might post some frosticle photo's from this morning for the whinging Queenslanders

Drivel & Nonsense (as usual)

So there was no shacking and I had a HUGE sulk. I know it's not Skaed's fault he got called into work that night (and I would have gone to work had I been called in) but at 8.15am my uncle calls, all good to go shacking. At 8.20am the phone rings again (no one rings me at that hour, seriously, if I'm not at work I'm not out of bed nor likely to answer people), and it's his work.

Anyways after 24 hours of being a complete laa-laa extreme I got over it and turned total dag (so unusual) and dragged the boy for a spot of:

• bug the draftsmen guy and ask him how much to draw up the house so I can get things into motion therein starting my heart attack
• saunter through Clive Peeeeeeters eyeing off sexy stoves, rangehoods, dishwashers and other assorted things
• Hit the 10 pin lanes for some average-ish cahoots and hysterical laughter over the air-hockey table (air-hockey including childish tears of laughter, flying pucks, my bra somehow doing stunts.. damn thing decided it wasn't built for such sporting pursuits and it would rather just sneakily flip one cup under my boob... thank god it was freezing and i was wearing two tops)

FINALLY dragged my ass back to Jim (other people call it Gym.. If I'm going to get hot and sweaty I can at least masculinise the concept)... Now I hurt.

On a side note Sexbomb should by now have achieved her Silver (I think) medals for dancing but the COW hasn't text me yet. Hope that mean's she off celebrating with Shagzzy. Fingers crossed.

Word of the week - Drinjjjury

Decided each week needs a new word.

This weeks word is.... (drum roll)

Drinjjjury (pronounced with a definite slurrrr)

Definition: Injury caused by excessive imbibing of alcohol (or other mind altering substance)

Examples of Drinjjjuries:

• Bruised tailbone the size of a small country the day after my 30th.... completely un-noticed til I came to (I won't even pretend I woke up that morning) and went outside to sip cold fruity orange juice in the sun... plastic chairs on decks are not meant to be instruments of torture
• Sprained ankles...... will have to go with the infamous Sugar Shack nightclub birthday spectacular. After a classy evening on complimentary Bacardi Breezes on arrival, complimentary champagne for a few hours, then dive straight into $2 Vodka Diet cokes this night was never going to end daintily. Add in little enough self consciousness to enter a dance competition, and somehow managing to win the prize (thanks to my extremely loud whooping and hollering by the Sexbomb, Princess & the Minibomb (and their bribery to some nearby drunk/whoopy/hollery boys)... a $50 drink card. Just what I needed. Staggering out of the club many hours later, a few friends less (they gave in, I was busy in conversation with some random people by this stage) I went to the magical hole in the wall to withdraw money to pay some poor sod to taxi me home when a crack in the concrete jumped up and ripped my ankle out from under me and my sizable ass landed on top of it. I was rather distressed at this point (not that I didn't appreciate the assistance of 'grey shirt' who we'd been checking out earlier) by the fact that I was extremely drunk and could feel the pain. Six weeks later when I finally got off crutches and my foot had finished doing it's best impression of a cabbage patch dolls foot I named this my best drinjjjury to date. Oh how we all laughed at me.
  
• Sprained ankles 2 & 3... similar theme. It's Minibomb's fault... drinking with her in public brings out the worst in my crappy ankles... Actually father can add about another 3 of these drinjjuries to this list and my aunt a broken ankle caused by falling off a bar... we're a close family in many things.
• Multiple random bruises in inexplicable places... Living End mosh pit... how the hell someone bruised the bejeebus out of my sternum like that I'll never know. Even the bruises from Skaed dragging me out of the pit (to ensure I didn't die in many sweaty squishy armpits) were impressive. Could almost see the fingerprints on my arm.

**emails a link to the Oxford Dictionary to petition for inclusion**

Stuff & Nonsenical Superheroineizmz

Yeehaw, I'm on hollerdays... sucked in to all the normal people who don't waste their holidays in the middle of winter.

• Apparently I could be a superhero who turns men to jelly (Somehow I doubt it but damn if it doesn't sound like fun)
• No major incidents on the boat yesterday.... lots of chilled out fun (rather chilly, somewhere around 5-9 degrees c)
• Stupid cowboy boots I wore decided they weren't on speaking terms on the walk to the boat though... one went forward, the other went back... that wasn't the way I was planning on improving my flexamability (tho could need that much fleximability if I'm gonna grow up to be a superhero)
• The uberfrost we had last year the DAY I went on the Peppermint Bay cruise decided to come this morning... a day late... frozen everything again... was so tempted to go tap the skanky looking underwear on the washing line in the hope that it smashed to pieces to go shopping... passed as i was busy bolting for the warmth of the car... -2.5 ain't fun to walk around in wearing a dress and stockings (it was dark and I needed clothes fast... PS cleavage and negative temperatures are probably not a sensible combination, tho somewhat attention grabbing)
• I was gonna crap on about something else... but I've lost the urge (and the feeling in my fingertips)

So should I go up to uncles shack for a single night (view above is off the deck)... I know it's only a 2 hour drive each way, I'm just getting put off by:

• Have to pack up all human bedding
• have to pack up all dog bedding
• Guess who'll have to go shopping
• and pack the food
• and some clothing
• and 90% sure I'll have to do the driving (which could involve some ice-capades if these temperatures continue)
  

yes I'm a lazy tart... these ARE my holidays.... it would just be so much more fun if'n I could get up there for more than one night with the other half, but of course his roster is craptacular and I don't really fancy hanging out with all my friends who are available (read Zero).

where is that link to hireamate.com again...

Freebie Escapades

So occasionally working in Hospitality has it's perks.... not like you'd be in it for the (paltry) money, and love don't pay the bills (unless you're talking prostitution).

These perks resulting in me and my mad workmate from Melbourne (who's filling in for me so's I can bludge off next week and do some hard core vegetation) tomorrow queueing up for a Peppermint Bay cruise.

I have been before... and loved it. This was my front yard when I went last year. Yes that's ubercrunchy frost.
Now that we've said we're going I thought I might check the weather forecast:

Forecast for Sunday :
Showers, more frequent during the morning. Snow about the mountain, lowering to around 600 metres later. Cool to cold, with light to moderate southwest winds.
Precis	Showers, mountain snow.	Min	04	Max	09

Ahem.... fook.

Oh well we'll still get to cruise about and see pretty stuff like:

The Alum Cliffs

Sun setting over Mt Wellington (the one that will have snow to 600m tomorrow)

Tasman Bridge

And lots of other purdy stuff I no longer have a camera to photograph. I am taking donations for a new camera, absolutely hate not having one.

Going on a (freezing) freebie, woohooooooo

Brokeback Mountain

Now I know how Jake thingenhall felt when Heath Ledger bent him over up that mountain....

Cold, vulnerable and exposed... though less penetrated in an overtly sexual manner.

Classy introduction I know.

Anyone who knows me well knows I loves to be on the water and I was goin fishin on Monday coz it WAS a pubic hollerday.

So I went fishing.....

It was 5 degrees (Celsius for those in the wrong part of the planet who don't speak the metric language... I don't translate).

The wind was blowing about 20 knots from the South West (read Anfreakingtarctica).

I had STUPIDLY decided I would look an utter knob if I zipped the sleeves into Dad's 50th Birthday present Stormy Seas Jacket as the sleeves are about six inches longer than my stumpy arms.

Dressed to the (fishing) nines in old sneakers, warm sockies, trackie bums (with bleach stain of course), long sleeve tshirt (complete with Some Girls Are Born Wicked slogan), Polar fleece type trackie jacket (not the favourite/comfy/warmest one, that's gone on a hollerday to Hawaii) and the 'chickenfeed' (crap shop) chenille beanie & matching scarf... I hopped on to big G's boat... a Zodiac (read fibreglass hull with a big blow up ring around it) not really realising I have NOfuckinwhere to hide from the ebil ebil ebil icy mofo wind.

Long story short.... it was as cold as Brokeback Mountain, it was windier than Brokeback mountain.. there were less sheep (tho I could see a few). I didn't get bent over (didn't have a tent either though).

But DAMN it was nice to be out and about and cold and alive on the water again!

For Mel

March? I think this year at Marion Bay

Return from the Grave

No I'm not dead (sorry to dissapoint) I've just been busy/distracted/idiotically drunk/lazy. Take your pick, I think they all apply.

I'm trying to think which stories of idiocy to tell but truth be told they're so plentifull/drunken/idiotic that it's hard to tell where to go (and yes for some hard to remember).

I was told I had a great birthday... (WITH purple cupcakes Thanks to the Martha Stewarts for those) Woke up feeling surprisingly undamaged... til I sat down and found a bruise on my tail bone the size of a small country. Didn't that feel delicious curled up on the grass at the cricket match the next day.

Princess & Doveboy came down to play for a few days and I skulked off from work for a few days to play tour guide as I luvs to do (Remarkable caves as below... have several bajillion photo's from while they were down & I'm not patient enought to post them all.. besides those tarts are currently in Bali)

Somewhere along the lines my cousin got engaged and had a party... ended up tres messy somewhere around 7am the next day as we tend to do. ... BUT with the promise of a wedding up on the Whitsundays somewhere August next year.

There was also a fly-by trip to Melbourne to be mesmerised by Amy Lee and the Evanescence crew with a stay at the Sofitel (gotta love staff rates) and a divine dinner at Verge . Bloody amazing weekend all round that one.

Back to reality now. Work is much quieter, thank god... and I have a week off coming (but unfortunately no freaking camera as mine has gone walkabout grrr)

Must go out for coffee. Going fishing tomorrow so no doubt will have a fresh new hilarious tale of woe regarding fish hooks/spines/blood/bruises by then.